Our Youth

There is an old saying that goes: “What doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger…” So just call me Hercules. In my 19 years of life’s experiences, I have endured more obstacles than the average person has in an entire lifetime.

My life first took a drastic change at the age of 9, when I entered the foster care system. I remember my initial reaction as being one of relief and nervousness. I was relieved because foster care was an opportunity for me to escape a childhood where I didn’t know what drama to expect from day to day. I was a product of two unwed parents who suffered from addiction issues. Subsequently, me and my sisters often took care of ourselves and only got to “play” and be “normal kids” when my mother was in the mood. When my mother was in a bad mood for one reason or another, it was not uncommon for me and my siblings to get unnecessary whooping and punishments. At one point, my older sister called Children Services herself. However, the first few phone calls were ignored. Then one day a knock came at the door. It was Children Services telling me and my younger sister that we were being removed from my mother’s care. I swear I heard a loud pitched noise that is usually followed by the announcement that …"THIS A TEST, THIS IS ONLY A TEST, OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM.” Shortly after, reality set in and I realized that this was real.

During my placement in foster care, I met an amazing lady by the name of Ms. Johnson. She took me and my sister in and showed us what a family is really about. Despite being in a wonderful environment, I found myself continuously being pulled to the streets, hanging around “the wrong crowd”, and smokin’ weed…among other things. I eventually found myself in trouble with the law and sitting in the lobby of a probation office. I thought probation was going to be “a living hell.”

During my first encounter with probation…I got out of it what I put into it. Then one day, I met my match, a probation officer named Ron. I was placed in a program called Building Bridges, which is an unconventional form of probation that promotes positive rehabilitation in creative ways. This experience saved my life as I was taught to control my anger, to self-motivate, and to identify positive supports and role models. It was during this time that I was also introduced to Daybreak. Probation saved my life but Daybreak changed my life.

Once again, I found myself nervous and going through yet another intake process. However, this process was none like I ever had. I felt like I had finally found “My safe place”…No more running away.

Am I deranged, in my mind i'm stuck
lookin 4 change, & not the kind in a cup
not the kind in a fountain, & I have no fear
it's like i'm climbing this mountain, & have no gear
it's like i'm back at church, with all these confessions
& man it really hurts, so much depression
followed by agression, Nothin but hate
Was a hard lesson, that i must vacate

I just want to say thank you for all the things you helped me through
Through all the stress, depression and all of the other stuff I’ve been through
To say ‘Lonnie keep your head up’ and holding it for me
And not letting go and pushing me ‘cause y’all was there for me

It all started when I got kicked out of my first apartment
now I homeless and I have to sit down
and think about it,
falling down a hill that already started.
Now I’m scared because I have nothing to eat,
my body weight is starting to decrease
and that don’t even fit me.

They said I was born to fail…
They said I would be mentally retarded
and that my life was over before it had even started.
They said that I would eventually end up in some type of institution
that would have to give me ‘round the clock care
with someone to wipe the drool off my chin as I absently sat there.
They said a lot of things,
and although the stigmas have always remained,
the only thing that in truth reigned was the fact that I was born addicted to cocaine.
Their words filled the pool in which all hope had drowned.
I learned how to swim, and I broke that barrier down.

My life
My fear
My pain
My tears
My friends come
When rough times come around
They always do appear